I was moving house recently and when I was sorting out my things I found a Scrapbook in which I wrote a list of things about my ideal husband. On one page was written: Marry my best friend. Today I found him; he is my best friend. It was written five years ago.
Sometimes when people go on a date, they decide too soon that he/she is not my type, but I think we can be friends. If these people put in more effort and spent more time together, doing things that each other like, the chance to grow the chemistry is higher.
What happens is that most people have an ideal partner, and in the process of searching, they always look for that type of person and simply ignore others. It’s like at work, when you hire a staff member who is not that bright, but after certain training and coaching that person may be the most capable employee. Dating is very similar – both parties have to put in some effort and do things for each other.
When I do a consultation, for those clients who choose a partner based on looks, I suggest you can choose based on the look. But there may be others whose look does not match you, you can still give them a chance, because they will consistently and persistently stick around, doing things for you, surprising you. If he is in love with you, he will do everything for you to make you happy. He will give you exactly the life you want, the wedding you want, and be there when you need help. If you try to always go for your type and you are still single, try to let people come to you. Those who think you are their type. You will be much happier in the relationship.
When you find this person, try to be very honest – communicate what you like and don’t like. If he does everything for you, try to do one thing for him. For a man, finding someone he can trust, who really cares about him and who looks after herself, means she will also look after him. She is exactly what he needs. Biologically women are better at small detailed things; men are better at fixing problems.
You may hear most single guys’ houses are messy. Do not judge; help them to get some new clothes, hire a helper, show a good example of a tidying habit, eating healthily and exercising regularly. In an extreme case, get a new serviced apartment and take time to fix things. Most women will walk away if a guy lives in a messy place. But if you know him for a long time, you know he is a good guy, he just focuses too much at work. Help him, and he will be yours. This is at the stage that you both are still friends, but enjoy doing things together. This is also the essential stage that love starts to grow.
When you marry your best friend, you know you can trust each other. You might get upset if your boyfriend or girlfriend did not do something special for your birthday, but we rarely will get upset if it’s our best friend. We also have less expectations, and are willing to do things for each other. Lower divorce rates, longer marriages.